Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
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