I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
