we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
