Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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