you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
