U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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