It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
