ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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