i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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