I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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