so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
We need a shit load of segways right now
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
