I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I enjoy the company of your penis
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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