I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
My vagina just clenched in fear
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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