I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize