So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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