I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
