Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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