We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
