what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
as a side note pls kill me
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
