You're completely useless in the revolution.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
