I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
