If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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