there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
