So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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