her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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