It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
