i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
