i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
