I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
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