I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
