your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
