she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
