so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
