I'm jealous of your bromance
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
