Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
