I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Can I color on your dick again?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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