your thong is hanging out like whoa
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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