i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
We talked him into tasing himself.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
