So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
