I can tuck mytits in my pants
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
