This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
