just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
