I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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