My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
