Joe is yelling at the trees again.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize