so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
