Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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