I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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