Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
