You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize