The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
