The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
it's like heaven, but drunker
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
