Tell her she can't have a vagina
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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