Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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