do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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