this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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