you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
