having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
