Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
