You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
