Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
handjob tips. give me some.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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