Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
