Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
