I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize