in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize