i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
