K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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