I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Randomize