uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Just pee around me
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
