guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
