You can't motorboat a personality
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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