I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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