found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
