That reminds me...we need to get swords
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
There r osticjed everywhere
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
