why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
