talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize