Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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