New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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