guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I accidentally burped into my bong.
worst night to have a conscience
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize