I wanna bring you to show and tell
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
