I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
