You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
