I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
