Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
