Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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