He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
