Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
