Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
