Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
