Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize