i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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