...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
