yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
