I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
