i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Did I show you my penis last night?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
