So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
