I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
