I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
