i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
