just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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