shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
